Ok so babygirl i really do hope you read this, What you are going through m,any women have gone through the same thing. You first have to get your relationship with GOD together first. Than learn to love who you are as a person. Seek some help its ok, get what you need. You have two childeren relieing on you. Your only set back is yourself. You are a strong beautiful blacl woman of GOD stand in that and know that you are loved by the most high GOD. Trust in him and he will direct your path, so get back on track its alright. much love desiree.